Cost of living, no babysitter, time poor? These are all valid reasons to not only neglect your intimate life, but to forget how special it can be. If you haven’t reintegrated intimacy at home post Covid, you’re not alone. Here are some ideas that might be outside your sexual script to mix it up and celebrate the month of sensuality:
#1 Set a Scene: Lighting can make or break a mood. Candles, salt lamps, dimmers, and fairy lights can all help create a sensual scene. Lights on vs. lights off is a very personal affair, think about creating a mood that makes you feel comfortable. Scents, music, and pillows are also helpful. Use pillows to place under hips & buttocks to really hit some good spots during intimacy. This will also help with arousing each person. The scene also does not have to be confined to bedroom; large cushions, beanbags, blankets, soft rugs, drop sheets are all perfect for any room or outdoor space. Include lanterns, portable speaker, and trays for toys to move around the house. Don’t underestimate the power of music. Different tunes for different experiences.
#2 Throw Away the Concept of Time: Go into the experience without worrying how long it will take. Spend as much time needed on each person warming and exciting their body. Let arousal build, neither genitals need to be operating nor performing according to a standard.
#3 Sensory Props: Grab your favourite vibes, and then hunt around the house for various tools to explore new sensations. The idea is to use different items on each body to create a sensory experience. Think soft, scratchy, pointy, warm, cold; experiment to see what the body will enjoy. A comb, feather, silk scarf, pasta spoon, leather belt, ice cube, coconut oil could easily do the trick. Take turns touching one another from head to toe using these props. If you feel brave use a blindfold and even restraints. This can enhance the experience for those that feel comfortable and safe, and who enjoy anticipation. This is the art of teasing in a way that builds pleasure and arousal for your partner, NOT stress and anxiety. So do check in to see what their comfort level is and where their boundaries are.
#4 Start with a Game: If it’s been a while between encounters and you and your partner are nervous, that’s ok! Lighten the mood with a simple game. The “two-minute game” can turn the heat up and can also break you out of your comfort zone if you find it difficult to ask for what you like. Grab a timer, one person will go first and ask the other for a touch request- “could you kiss my neck for two minutes”. The other person must consent and feel ok to give that, if so they would then kiss their partners neck for two minutes. It is now that persons turn to ask for a request. Take turns asking and giving, do as many rounds as you both are up for. If for any reason one person is not willing to give a particular touch, that’s ok. Counter with something you would feel comfortable to do. This also helps normalize you don’t always have to give something you aren’t ready for. It’s opening conversations around touch that perhaps you aren’t having in a safe, fun, no pressure environment!
